Happy Monday lovelies! And what a Monday it has been so far – a real rainy days and Mondays type of morning. As if the crummy weather wasn’t bad enough, I had a complete hair melt down on my work commute. Any other curly haired lasses out there whose locks are highly subject to barometric pressure?! The nasty rain and general wetness destroyed my ‘do. My bangs were so frightening (think Farrah Fawcett struck by lightning on a mission from Charley) that I had to pick up a hair iron before I got to the office. Yes it maybe sounds a little excessive, but trust me on this one, it was very necessary.
This weekend was all about moving and packing and tossing. Dan’s mom is moving this week and the old house was just in shambles. I have to admit I shied away from the whole thing and left after awhile to spend some quality time with my mom and brother. Moving just makes me so anxious. Don’t get me wrong, I love change, but moving gives me an ulcer even if I’m not the one moving!
My aversion to moving is probably why it took me until Dan and I decided to move in together to actually get myself together and physically move from my parents house to a place of my own. I know! Pathetic! Sure I lived a college and then after that I lived for two years in the Bronx while I finished graduate school, but I never moved all of my earthly possessions. I brought some books and some clothes and essentially camped out. I could never imagine moving everything. I continually kept moving at bay until I was 24 years old. When I started working in NYC, the writing was on the wall: I was going to have to move… and quickly! At that time, about two years ago, Dan and I had been throwing around the idea of moving in with roommates at first. We had been dating for two years, but I think we were both concerned about making that next step.
In retrospect, it was kind of insane to honestly think that we would move in with roommates. Then again it’s nerve-wracking enough considering a move much less with your significant other! Recently, the New York Times published an article that suggested cohabiting prior to marriage leads to break-ups and divorces. I have to disagree, but the article is certainly an interesting read. You can check it out here. While I totally disagree with the idea now, back in 2010, I was very nervous about moving in with Dan. What if we realized that we didn’t like living with each other? Any rational human being can tell you that you’re not going to work out if you can’t make it work in 600 sq feet of space!
In the end, we realized that we’d be wasting a lot of money in rent and travel costs since we’d still be spend most of our time together. It was a test of epic proportions and in many ways we’re still learning how to live with each other well into our second year of living together. We both have things that annoy (or worse, don’t annoy!) us and we’re learning how best to communicate these things. For me, I try to keep the mantra of respect at the top of my mind when talking to Dan about things that bother me when it comes to living space. Remember, we’re sharing this place so his comfort is just as important as my own.
I really love living with my best friend and better half. If anything, and in contrast to the NYT article from above, I think living together now is the best choice we could have made. We’re happy being together and I know it sounds weird, but knowing I have someone to come home to makes me get out of the apartment more. Weird? I’m not sure, I think if we lived apart all of our time would be spent together instead of with friends or doing other activities. In that way I think living together made us both more independent than we were previously.
What do you all think? When were you ready for the big move?
Right on! We were offended by the NYT article too. It presented some valid points, I suppose, but do most people take moving in together as lightly as the writer suggested? If so, that's frightening. We didn't take the decision lightly! Two years later, we're happy we live together even though it isn't always easy. Just like it is for you and Dan!
ReplyDeleteI don't see how an old-fashioned courtship, engagement, and marriage make finally living together easier or solidify a relationship. I also don't see why signing a piece of paper would change your expectations of your SO after you lived together. If that paper does change your expectations, you probably have personal issues to attend to before making any romantic commitment to another person, legal or simply personal.
Also, hey! Here's a novel concept! Discuss your expectations BEFORE moving in together, WHILE living together, and BEFORE marriage. That's all part of an open line of communication. Discuss starting views and expectations, and discuss them as circumstances change and as you each evolve, together and separate.
Sorry for ranting. I was just appalled that the NYT posted that article and I couldn't fit all that in on Twitter. I'm shocked the writer failed to also advise no physical contact until the honeymoon! :)
Even though I am very happy where I am (cohabiting), I thought the article was interesting and...also a little scary. I have always confidently wrote off the mantra that living together before marriage increases the risk of a future divorce (something that was, growing up in a strict religion, unsuccessfully engrained in me) as bogus, and all those marriages that "last" are statistically just the more religious and conservative types - those who would rather trudge along in an unhappy marriage than go through the stigma and taboo of an unholy divorce. I still think this is partly true but I never thought about the problems that moving in together as financial convenience (which to some extent, will almost always be a factor) could cause. Kind of a grim read.
ReplyDeleteAlso: It seemed a little like girly overkill when I got mine years ago, but the mini flat irons are so useful for days like today or bangs any day (and are pretty darn cute too!)