A Story About Birth

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When I was just three months pregnant Eric and I went out to see a Rosanne Cash concert. I remember feeling so giddy about the whole event because it was the baby's first show, albeit, with some sound barriers. We absolutely loved the show, but one song in particular struck a chord in my heart: September When It Comes. Weston was due September 14th, so the lyrics just rang out to me, "So when the shadows lengthen into an evening sun, well first there's summer, then I'll let you in, September when it comes." I started to cry when I heard those lines and thought about how my child would be coming home to us in September; I started to truly comprehend why my parents gave me the middle name of March, September sounded so romantic and glorious, there was never a more beautiful month spoken of.

If you've been following our journey at all this past year, you'd know that Weston didn't actually come in September at all. On the night of August 25th, I had a serious hankering for a cup of hot tea, despite the fact that it was wickedly hot and humid outside. I seem to recollect that I brewed the tea in a pot, and took it upstairs with my nightly gestational diabetes pill and snack of rice crackers and cheese. That night, I was more uncomfortable than normal, so Eric decided to give me some space and sleep on the couch. I remember I fell asleep splayed across the bed, and woke up hazy at around 4am. I got out of bed and wham, bam, thank you...my water broke! I was in some serious denial, so I texted my mother, who happened to be up, and didn't wake up Eric. After he heard me on the phone with my mom, he came upstairs, and though I was floating up that river in Egypt, he finished packing the bag and packing the car. 

The drive to the hospital was the most exciting and nerve wracking event of my life! I just remember thinking how we were leaving the house as two people and would be coming home as three. We listened to The Kruger Brothers, and barely spoke. Long Island is steamy and exotic at night, and I couldn't help but think about how many times I had driven these roads, from the time I was born (at the same hospital), to now, at this turning point in my life. 


About 15 hours, and one magical epidural later, a little tiny, almost six pound boy was placed on my chest. I wasn't as emotional as I thought I would be; he was just, there. He smiled up at me, his gigantic guitar playing hands on my chest. We just hung out together as the doctors finished up. My mother, who had been getting coffee and didn't know why we weren't texting back (she had been there the whole time, and kept coming in to check on me...once I was fully ready to go, we went fast!), came up to the delivery ward and heard Weston's cry before she saw him. I will never forget her coming into the room, stopping herself to wipe her tears, and then reaching out for him. Jenny, who had been camping in Vermont, drove all night to get to us! It was very Kardashian of her.

I was deathly afraid of giving birth, but I had a truly good experience with it! I was up and around the next day; the nurses called me feisty. I refused to sit. I held court in the hospital room and downed tons of Au Bon Pain (which was in the hospital), and Chinese food my dad brought in. It felt like Weston had always been there; in a way, he was. 

The next few days were such a blur. Since he was born at the end of summer, it all felt, in an odd way, like a vacation. Jenny brought over muffins and iced coffee every morning; we ran out for special treats; we napped; we hung out in pajamas; Eric grew a beard. It was so relaxed, precious, and blissful. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it was stressful, like figuring out how to feed him, or my incredibly swollen legs and feet, but...those days were unlike any other, and out of normal place and time. 


I was unsure of having a son when we found out he was a boy; I didn't know how I would relate to him. However, this past year has taught me that my son is so much a part of me, and so much himself. He's my constant companion, and my best bud. He's my audience for my one woman rendition of Fiddler on the Roof, and my watermelon eating buddy. He's quite simply the best person I know, and I am still shocked that we created him. 

And, he's truly my inspiration. Without Weston, I never would have lived out my dream of being a writer. He's my guide, my muse, and my joy. 

This past year hasn't been easy, but it's been truly miraculous. Watching someone, who you first met as a bean on a screen, start to walk, sing, clap, and hug...there's nothing like it. My son is my proudest achievement, my best piece of work, and my constant reminder that dreams can come true, and life never ceases to amaze. 

World Breastfeeding Week

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Did you know it was World Breastfeeding Week? While I didn't breastfeed, I have talked a lot about it! Check out these posts on breastfeeding by me, and some of my other favorite posts by others:


And, from some of my favorite blogging mamas:

Rookie Mom Challenges Completed Thus Far!

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You know what's crazy? I've been an official Rookie Mom for over 6 months now! I love completing the Rookie Mom challenges and writing about them...it's gotten me out of the house and into the world with Weston. Here are some of the challenges I've done so far, have you done any of these?

Rookie Mom challenge #5: buy one thing from the grocery store; we bought some stuff, and stole something too, oops!
Rookie Mom Challenge #7: attend baby yoga class.
Rookie Mom Challenge #15: Leave your neighborhood. On a very snowy day, we went into Northport.
Rookie Mom Challenge #20: Visit a Farmer's Market!
Rookie Mom Challenge #21: Stop talking about sleep, and our visit to MommaCon!
Rookie Mom Challenge #22: Visit the other kind of nursery (with plants). (This is one of my fav posts!)
Rookie Mom Challenge #24: Be a tourist in your own town, Huntington!
Rookie Mom Challenge #29: fix up your bedroom, mama!
Rookie Mom Challenge #35: Overcome the fear of buying post baby jeans.


Using Technology to Stay Connected to Long-Distance Grandparents

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When Weston was first born, Eric's parents live many states away and weren’t able to come meet their new grandson for three months. Though they live far away, Eric and I have come up with many ways to include them in Weston's life over these past eleven months. We’re lucky to be living in such a technological age, which allows for far-away grandparents to be part of their grandchild’s daily life.

Shortly after delivering Weston, Eric called his parents on FaceTime via the iPhone, and they got to not only hear about their new grandson, but see his tiny face as well. The next day, as we were waiting around the hospital, we called my father-in-law on FaceTime, and he could watch his grandson sleep, be held, and yawn those adorable baby yawns. It was comforting knowing my father-in-law was “in the room” with us and soaking up those special moments.

We are big advocates of FaceTime (or Skype), and invested in an AppleTV, so that we could FaceTime through our television; this way, Weston can crawl around the living room, and do his normal playing, while my in-laws watch, and Weston can see them on the big television, instead of the computer screen. FaceTime is extremely precious to us, because we are able to call up my in-laws from the park, the beach, a walk, the doctor’s office, and have them experience the moment with us.

We utilize video-chatting not only to talk to each other, but to have family-activity time, as well. My father-in-law and Eric both play music, so we let my Weston play with his toy instruments as he watches and listens to his father and grandpa play guitar together. Sometimes we even keep the FaceTime on so my in-laws can “join in” at dinner time and watch my son eat; though we can’t be at the same table, that’s the next best thing!

Because we only see my husband’s family a few times a year, I wanted to introduce my Weston to distant family members in various ways, so he would remember who everyone was when we did see them in person. I downloaded a flashcard app for my iPad, and imported pictures of all the distant relatives and added their names. Weston and I flip through the flashcards learns not only everyone’s names, but their faces, as well.

My in-laws aren’t here for every special moment, so to include them, I occasionally get photo books made and shipped to them. While, I do email photos almost daily, the photo book is a nice piece of memorabilia which the grandparents can flip through and watch their grandson grow. Some books even have a voice-recording element, so one could record a grandparent singing lullabies, or reading a story to their grandchild; even in the grandparent isn’t there to tuck them into bed, they can still be part of the bedtime process.

Though it seems like a small gesture, just sending a photo to the long-distant grandparents means a lot to them. I try to send daily photos Weston in action, playing, crawling, eating; I want his grandparents to see what his daily life is like. I have an app on my phone, which I can upload 100 photos and have a book made, for only a few dollars more a month, you can have a book made and sent to the grandparents, as well.

As Weston grows up, I want him to know that although Eric's family doesn’t live near us, they are well aware of everything happening in his world. Living in such a technological age makes it easy for us to keep his grandparents abreast of all the minute details in his life, and it helps keep my small son very well aware of the sights, sounds, and laughter of his grandparents.

Being Brave as a Working Mother

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It's no secret that being a working mom is hard. However, there's an element to being a working mother which no one discusses: bravery. There are little moments of bravery every day; leaving your child in someone else's hands, being brave enough to believe you are making the right decision to work, and the bravery it takes to ask for what you need, in order to make your life manageable as a mom in the work force.

Recently, in the news, Obama has spoken at length about family-friendly workplaces,

"Take flexibility -- the ability to take a few hours off for a school play or to work from home when your kid is sick. Most workers want it, but not enough of them have it -- even though studies show that flexibility makes workers happier and helps companies lower turnover and raise productivity. Take paid family leave. Many jobs don't offer adequate leave to care for a new baby or an ailing parent, so workers can't afford to be there when their families need them the most. And the United States is the only developed country in the world without paid maternity leave." 

Flexibility is key there. If we know anything about having young children and babies, it's that there is no standard, everything has to be flexible. Every child is different, every family is different. Being the mother of a young child means that your life has to be flexible, which of course, is incredibly hard when you're a working mother in the work-force. However, when something doesn't work for your family, it takes a lot of bravery to ask for help. I'm sharing my story because I was brave, and I want all working mothers out there to know it is your right to ask for the flexibility you need in raising your family. If we cannot be there for our children, than what's the point?

When you love your job, speaking up about anything can always be a little nerve wracking. You don't want to rock the boat, or worse. You just want to be understood. Upon my yearly meeting with the new headmaster of the school this year, I explained that I would not be able to do overnight field trips next year, for a few reasons. One, is that Eric is traveling more for work, and it can sometimes be a last minute trip; I didn't want the school to book me on a trip only to have me cancel last minute! When you have an upper school faculty of under ten, it's hard to find other people to fill your spot. Also: the simple fact that I'd only have a little one year old next year. A one year old whom I adore and don't want to leave for three or four nights. He still needs me. And, I don't want to leave him. He's just a baby. I explained all of this in my meeting, and described that with Eric's work schedule it would just be incredibly difficult to manage. I was told "duly noted." I really didn't think much of it after that meeting, as in the past, any teachers with young children were excused from the overnight trips, no questions asked.

My annual contract came in the mail and the overnight trips were still in the contract. I assumed this was a simple oversight, as it was in my contract this year, but I didn't go on the trips because Weston was only a few months old. So, I was brave and scheduled a meeting with the headmaster. I went in to the meeting to discuss the "oversight" and another issue: that on Thursdays I could not do 4:00 bus duty, but I was more than happy to do 3:00 bus duty (on any day of the week). I've done 4:00 Thursday bus duty since my first year at the school and had never asked for any changes before this. Again, I really didn't think this would be an issue.

I calmly brought up the two contractual issues, and his response was quite shocking to me. He explained that it was not an oversight at all, but that he indeed remembered our discussion, but in fact chose to keep the trips in my contract. I was told that the overnight trips would be staying in my contract because if my husband was home to watch Weston, than I was expected to go. I was told I had "expectations" to fulfill and that he understood my "situation," but that if I could go, I would be going. Furthermore, I was told that I was also expected to do 4:00 bus duty, and if no one could fill that position and help me out, than that was it...oh well. Too bad. I was really taken aback. Where was the flexibility? Where was the family friendly work environment?

How many nights did I spend after hours, making dinner, holding my baby, and talking to students' parents on my home telephone about advisor issues? How many afternoons did I stay late at school because a student needed me? How many classes did I cover for colleagues whom were sick or had to run out to take care of their kids? I've been a flexible, helpful teacher...so where was my flexibility? It's funny, upon finding out I was leaving the school, I had colleagues approach me and ask me how much money I had asked for; I'd look at them strangely and say, "Money? I didn't ask for money, I asked for an hour on Thursdays and to not go on an overnight trip next year." I was simply asking for a little time with my baby. I had spent countless hours in school, with other people's children, and all I wanted was the understanding that I couldn't be away from my child for a few nights, and that 4:00 bus duty would have me home way too late. To say that I was shocked by his responses is an understatement. For an educational institution that boasts their family values, I felt like my family values were being swept under the table. 

When I walked into that meeting, in which I thought everything would be cleared up, I was intent on signing my contract for the next school year. I never thought that my simple desires would be denied, thus making my work/life balance even more difficult to deal with. However, I left that meeting knowing that I could not return to school. My son is my priority, and asking a teacher to leave her one year old because it is "expected" of her is not the game I choose to be playing. I have expectations, and my son expects me in that rocking chair at eight o'clock every night, so that is where I choose to be. The whole situation is unbelievably disheartening. I have spent 17 years of my life at that school (9 as a student, 6 as a teacher), and have devoted every fiber of myself to making sure my students left those ivy walls as moral, strong, and educated Latin scholars. But, alas, as we know, these things happen, and I shouldn't really be surprised, should I? Sometimes life throws curve balls at you exactly when you need them, and the trick isn't to hit them out of the park, the trick is to make the play which is right for you. 

So, be brave. As the school says, "Speak Up!" Being brave isn't about going into battle knowing you are going to win; being brave is about not knowing the answer, but deciding to go to battle for what you need anyway. Being a new mother is a un-nerving time, but you're still the strong, educated, tough lady you always were, you just have a baby on your hip this time around. Be brave to ask for what you want, because even if you don't get what you need, you're going to learn a great lesson about those around you. 

Sweet Teas Threads: Adorable Baby Clothing

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Top Left: Suspenders and Bow Tie, $18; Top Right: Peter Pan Collar and Buttons, $15; Bottom Left: (seen on Weston) Vest and Bow Tie, $23, Bottom Right: Long Sleeves and Tie, $17   
When you come across a store on Etsy like Sweet Teas Threads, you can't help but say, "I need that for my son...no, that...no, that one! I need it all!" Which is why, when I fell in love with everything Jennifer (a fellow Huntington lady!) creates, I asked if she would send over a onesie for Weston to wear during our shoot with Molly Leon Photography. Jennifer was so sweet and custom made Weston a vest and bow tie onesie (seen on bottom left), and he indeed was amazingly adorable in it! Jennifer can custom make any of her designs, and let me tell you, they are sewn with such care, they hold up so well! These would make a perfect baby shower gift!

And...as a special summer treat to our readers, Jennifer is offering a free customized bib with every purchase, if you use the code LOVELYATYOURSIDE. Seriously, scoop this deal up for any upcoming baby showers, you won't be sorry!

Photos by Molly Leon Photography